Closing Would possibly, I well-known that the question “What amount are you?” appeared to be growing for me often—with completely different dad and mother all through a play date, on a Saturday morning train with a girlfriend, or maybe at a gathering of a e e book membership. “Enneagram numbers are everywhere, promising to help us to raised understand ourselves, {{our relationships}}—even our parenting sorts.” I wasn’t constructive, nonetheless, whether or not or not I was a skeptic or a believer, and so I wrote a put up regarding the Enneagram hoping to take heed to about others’ relationship to the examine. One reader wrote that they uncover the classes to be thought-provoking devices. One different wrote that it was significantly revealing when she and her husband in distinction outcomes: it was “like marriage counseling, truly, to see how our varieties dwell collectively, impact each other, and do life.”
So I was significantly intrigued to fulfill Stephanie Hall, merely after she had moved to Sacramento, and be taught that she is a licensed Enneagram coach. Her e e book, The Enneagram in Love: A Roadmap for Setting up and Strengthening Romantic Relationships has merely been launched—an exploration of how the 9 varieties work collectively in relationships—and I requested if she would share the inspiration for writing it, along with just a few of the questions people ask her most continuously. Proper right here’s what she wanted to say…
I’ve always been fascinated by human character, nevertheless I first found regarding the Enneagram in 2015. I actually found my type (type 3) the best way during which I inform people to not uncover their varieties now—by the use of a quick, free, on-line examine. When the moniker “The Achiever” popped on my show, I believed YES! I WON! I was excited to be named the very best achiever of this new (to me) system.
As I began to be taught additional regarding the Enneagram, that enthusiasm for my type mild. I study points about myself that had been every true and unflattering. I study components of my character that I believed I had been so good at hiding… and I found that perhaps I was a lot much less skilled at hiding them than beforehand assumed. There was a particular comfort in feeling so seen, however an equal amount of shame at feeling so uncovered. For a while, I even wished I would change my type.
Nevertheless as I sat with these uncomfortable components of myself, one factor attention-grabbing began to happen: I began to fluctuate. I started reflecting on what I didn’t like, inspecting what motivated these actions, after which breaking the pattern. It was sluggish at first, nevertheless over time, I began to see precise growth in myself. This growth is certainly what has propelled my work with the Enneagram and my wish to share it with others: as quickly as I observed additional empathy and growth in myself, I had extra wholesome connections with others, additional self-acceptance, and deeper self-understanding.
Seeing growth in myself and my relationships using the Enneagram has impressed me to share this system with others. And like all good growth system: the work isn’t completed. I hope readers of every this put up and my new e e book will put cash into the continued work of private growth using the Enneagram as a tool.
Any social media account is for certain to get suggestions and direct messages, nevertheless the Enneagram is so superior that I usually uncover myself inundated with questions and requests for clarification. Below, I’ve spelled out the three commonest questions I hear regarding the Enneagram and my e e book, The Enneagram in Love…
I don’t know what the Enneagram is or what my type is. The place can I start?
The Enneagram is a personality system that describes 9 motivation-based archetypes. It is meant to be used to cultivate self-awareness and empathy so that we’re in a position to develop and have stronger connections with others. When considering Enneagram type, it’s important to provide consideration to motivation (not habits). Consequently, I don’t advocate taking on-line checks—as an alternative, I prefer to suggest learning regarding the completely completely different Enneagram varieties and reflecting by your self core motivations. On account of the Enneagram is about self-discovery and growth work, it’s important to begin your journey by using reflection as a tool in the direction of self-knowledge. Checks could also be quick and easy, nevertheless they don’t typically provide the lasting change needed.
In case you’ve already taken a examine, that’s okay! Protect the classes highlighted by the examine in ideas as you study. Which kind fits most interesting? Why? Write about it in your journal, be all ears to podcast episodes from people who share your Enneagram type, and ponder the best way it impacts your life. You’ll uncover a free self-typing system on my web page, or in my e e book.
A number of pointers:
We each have one core Enneagram type. Enneagram type does not change all by life. Take care of underlying motivation moderately than habits.
For instance, many individuals current up for work day-after-day and do an excellent job, nevertheless for numerous causes. A 3 could current up because of they’re working onerous to get a promotion and get acknowledged as doing an incredible job, whereas a 6 could current up because of they’re pushed by a manner of obligation and so they’re centered on creating stability and financial security for themselves. Equivalent habits—completely completely different motivations.
Which Enneagram varieties are most applicable?
When talking about relationships, that’s by far the commonest question I hear. And I get it! Many character and typology devices provide guidance on which pairings work most interesting, nevertheless it’s not so reduce and dry with the Enneagram. Whereas positive type pairings could also be additional frequent than others, that doesn’t primarily indicate they’re the one pairings that work. In reality, any pairing can work if every persons are eager to point up and put throughout the effort.
Proper right here’s an excerpt from The Enneagram in Love to extra make clear:
“In case you had been hoping to utilize the Enneagram as a roadmap to your subsequent date, I’ve purchased harmful data for you: there is no such thing as a such factor as a such issue as a ‘most applicable’ Enneagram pairing. This notion usually leaves love-seekers upset, nevertheless relationships are ultimately about individuals who discover themselves working in the direction of growth and effectively being as folks, who’re eager to point up and do the onerous work in relationships, and who’re kind, loving, and acutely aware of their companions. That’s it. Any pairing can work properly when you occur to’re eager to position throughout the effort. So proper right here’s the good news: when you’re already in a relationship, you presumably can breathe a sigh of discount understanding that you simply’re not with the flawed Enneagram type.”
I’m not in a relationship. Can I nonetheless get one factor out of this e e book?
Utterly! I’ll first reiterate that this e e book was written with romantic relationships in ideas: I even despatched out a survey to my Instagram followers to realize a good deeper understanding of all 45 type pairings. My very personal experience instructing, learning, and this distinctive evaluation all educated what I’ve written throughout the e e book. It’s value noting, nonetheless, that the beauty of the Enneagram is that when you occur to be taught it for one setting it might be utilized in assorted components of life.
On account of our Enneagram type is fixed all through all contexts, the Enneagram information supposed for romantic relationships could also be utilized elsewhere too. Primarily, the sort pairings shared on this e e book are most helpful for a lot of who we’re in shut relationship with, like shut associates, relations, and roommates. All shut relationships, romantic or in another case, will attainable experience associated dynamics to those well-known on this e e book.
I’ll share a tricky approximation of the desk of contents so you’re going to get a larger understanding:
- What is the Enneagram? / Historic previous / The system / Discovering your type / All types intimately
- The Enneagram in love / How all types displays up in romantic relationships / Intimacy for each type
- The Variety Pairings (For example 1 & 2, 6 & 8, 4 & 9, and so forth. There are 45 distinct pairings, and each is talked about equally.) / Description, strengths, & weaknesses are provided for each pairing
Thanks, Stephanie! Congratulations in your e e book launch!
What do you suppose? Are you conscious your amount? How has understanding your amount made a distinction for you?
Stephanie Barron Hall (M.A. Organizational Communication, 2020) is a speaker, licensed Enneagram coach, and the creator of the upcoming e e book, The Enneagram in Love: A Roadmap for Setting up and Strengthening Romantic Relationships. Steph primarily based her instagram internet web page, @ninetypescoin 2017 as a technique to find her private curiosity throughout the Enneagram, and it has since grown proper right into a neighborhood of people that discover themselves all learning regarding the Enneagram, themselves, and their relationships collectively. Steph focuses on bringing readability to superior concepts and talking the Enneagram in a method that is relatable and concise so that it might be transformative & accessible to all.
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